The Quiet Despair: Understanding the Founder's Journey and How We Can Help
- info597434
- Sep 2
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 2
Hey everyone,
Today, I want to talk about something incredibly personal and deeply important, something that lies at the very heart of why Women of Refined Gold exists. We often talk about strength, resilience, and triumph, but sometimes, understanding the darkest moments helps us appreciate the light even more.
Our amazing founder, T’sharin Moncrief, has bravely shared a part of her journey that resonates with so many survivors, yet often goes unspoken. She’s opened up about a time when she never had a "plan" to commit suicide. She wasn't actively trying to end her life. But in the midst of her struggle, she got to a point where she simply didn't care if she woke up the next day.
Think about that for a moment. It's not about actively seeking death, but about being so utterly exhausted, so completely drained by constant fear, control, and emotional abuse, that the thought of eternal rest feels like the only escape from the relentless pain. It's a profound numbness, a quiet despair where the idea of not existing feels less painful than continuing to exist in torment.
This isn't a sign of weakness; it's a tragic consequence of immense suffering. It's the silent scream of someone who has lost all hope and energy to fight another day. And this experience, this understanding of that particular kind of hopelessness, is a huge part of why T’sharin poured her heart and soul into creating Women of Refined Gold. She knows, deeply and intimately, what it feels like to be in that place, and she's determined that no one else should go through it alone.
The Unspoken Link: Domestic Violence & This
Type of Suicidal Ideation:
This "not caring if you wake up" feeling is a very real, often overlooked, aspect of suicidal ideation, especially for those experiencing ongoing trauma like domestic violence. The constant invalidation, isolation, and sense of powerlessness can chip away at a person's will to live, leaving them with an overwhelming desire for the pain to simply cease.
So, what can we do? How can we support someone who might be silently struggling in this way?
Bringing awareness to this nuanced experience of suicidal thoughts is critical. It helps us recognize the signs, even when they aren't the dramatic calls for help we often imagine.
Listen with Your Heart, Not Just Your Ears: This isn't about giving advice or fixing things right away. It's about creating a safe space for someone to be heard, truly heard, without judgment. Let them talk, cry, or just sit in silence. Your presence can be a powerful anchor.
Validate Their Pain: Instead of minimizing their feelings with phrases like "It's not that bad" or "Look on the bright side," try, "It sounds like you're going through something incredibly difficult, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and exhausted by it." Acknowledge their suffering as real.
Offer Practical Support (Don't Just Say "Let me know"): Instead of the vague "Let me know if you need anything," offer specific help: "Can I bring you a meal?" "Would you like me to sit with you while you call a helpline?" "I can help you research local resources if you want."
Gently Encourage Professional Help: Suggest connecting with a domestic violence advocate, a therapist, or a mental health professional. You could even offer to help them find a local resource or go with them to an initial appointment if they're comfortable.
Help Create a Safe Environment: If you're concerned about immediate danger and it's safe for you to do so, help remove anything that could be used for self-harm. This is especially important in situations of domestic violence where access to means might be weaponized by an abuser.
Check In Consistently: Healing isn't linear, and a quick check-in can make a world of difference. A text that says "Thinking of you" or a brief call can remind them they're not forgotten and they're cared for.
T’sharin’s journey from that profound despair to founding Women of Refined Gold is a testament to the power of connection, support, and finding a reason to keep going. Her story reminds us that even when someone isn't actively seeking death, a lack of will to live is a critical sign that they need our compassionate intervention.
Let's continue to break the silence surrounding domestic violence and its devastating impact on mental health. Let's learn to see the quiet cries for help and respond with love, understanding, and actionable support.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. You don't have to carry this alone.
For confidential support with domestic violence:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
For mental health and crisis support (available 24/7):
Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
Women of Refined Gold, Inc: 334-877-7013
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